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Living in Society

Toward Personality

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I possess a personality yet expend little effort in knowing or cultivating it. I avoid considering a self-concept when I can. When I feel I have one, I try not to impose it on others. Most times I don’t pay much attention to who I am to focus on others. People appreciate someone who takes a sincere interest in them, according to Dale Carnegie.

What combination of qualities defines personality? It’s not an answer I sought or even thought about much. Search the internet for personality traits and five are returned in the top results: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. I have a vague idea what these mean. I am a confident public speaker who tries to be conscientious about what I say, and agreeable when I can be. I am open to consideration of new ideas yet immovable in my beliefs. I don’t tolerate bullshit well. Not sure where that lands me on the personality spectrum.

Neurotic people experience anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, pessimism, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness, according to Wikipedia. If asked, I would deny experiencing these feelings. For example, I am often alone yet don’t feel loneliness. My denials are not believed. I accept at face value what is, and don’t trouble myself with feelings about it. I may be an odd duck, yet that analysis may be a form of quackery. If pressed to put a name on my personality, I’d have to get professional help.

What brought all this up? I would like to be a person where people say they know who I am.

I have given the topic of personal influences more than a little thought, especially before my retirement from transportation and logistics in 2009. Here is a short list of personal attributes that might be considered qualities of a personality.

  1. I accept the Cartesian version of reality.
  2. I am not a hugger, except with close family.
  3. I know how to evaluate risks and am willing to take chances.
  4. I depend upon systems, like a kitchen garden.
  5. I depend upon organizations, like hospitals and retailers.
  6. I am not always listening and need to work at being a better listener.
  7. I continuously learn, or believe I do.
  8. I am frugal in most areas of daily life.
  9. I have no idea how to style my clothing.
  10. I am a creature of habit, and despise habitual behavior.

Someone might be able to put a name on this personality. For every attribute listed, one was left out. No system of reckoning is perfect.

The two things I’m most often recognized for are my public writing and gardening. Maybe I should better embrace those identities.

We were doing introductions at an event and someone said, “I read him,” referring to me. I took the compliment. A person could do a lot worse than describe themselves as a writer. Because I was prominent in the local food movement for some years, I’m recognized as a gardener. Gardening is something in which many people take interest. Talking about gardening doesn’t get me as far as talking about being a writer, yet it is a very common interest. We may have to have a multi-dimensional personality. At least two aspects, anyway

Part of my issue is I don’t share a lot of the most common interests. I have trouble carrying on a conversation about movies, TV shows, radio, and music. I don’t care much for sports, travel, and fine dining. I am interested in health and fitness, yet feel that is too personal for discussion with those outside family. Fashion and beauty? See #9 above.

Some recent topics I discussed are use of plants in a landscape where I find myself. I believe people wearied of hearing me rave about the wisteria growing on a pergola at an event. A recurring topic is how the sociology and language used to describe the coronavirus pandemic has changed. COVID-19 affected and is affecting almost everyone. The new trend in these conversations is “Get ready for bird flu.” These are something.

Part of me holds that if I haven’t figured out who I am by my 70s, then what is the point? At the same time, I don’t seek to be calcified in my self-image, to the extent I admit I have one, or in that people don’t know who I am.

I consider my role models — my maternal grandmother, my second battalion commander, certain high school friends — and, if they were living, they would know my personality. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Important people who know me are dying, leaving me a survivor. As I wrote the other day, I don’t mind the isolation of aging. Perhaps a side effect of that is developing a personality on which people can get a handle. One where I can feel some comfort in their grip. I’ll work on that.